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I honestly can't believe it's taken me this long to come to this decision, but I'm done. I'm done trying to convince myself that I still belong somewhere I probably never did in the first place.
Does anyone even READ these anymore? Does anyone comment on my page like they used to with "I MISS YOU COME BACK!" Um, no. They don't. Because everyone seems to have a leg up on me. Everyone else is more worth spending time with, kissing up to. Everyone is more talented, smarter, funnier, more enjoyable to be around. And me? I'm just sitting here rotting as EVERYTHING piles on more and more and more each and every day.
No matter how hard I try, it's never good enough. Never enough to keep anyone around, to keep things the way they used to be. I've promised people I would be there for them, but how can I do that when they've already deemed me incompetent, that I haven't done shit for them, that it's time to abandon ME? People always talk about their best friends, and I know damn well who my best friends are. Am I ever that to anyone? Am I ever just #1 to ANYONE? No. I'm not.
I now realize things are never going to get better. My life is one continous cycle, and it's always going to stay that way. I can see it happening again, too. Before long, I'll be replaced yet again by someone who's so amazing that you'd wonder why anyone ever stuck with me in the first place. But as someone once told me, they were just with me because they wanted someone, and sure enough when someone better came along, off they went. That's how I feel. Like I'm just the fill-in for people until they find that amazing person they're really looking for, be it with friendship, RPing, romance, anything. So then tell me, why the FUCK should I stick around when no one even gives a damn?
But if no one gives a damn, then I wonder, why the hell am I wasting my time even writing this journal? I'm stupid too, I guess. But I won't be anymore. This time, I'm going to push away before they get a chance to do it to me, because I know it'll happen. It always does, and frankly they'd be stupid to not take this chance and run away from me. But either way, once it happens, my heart will already have been hardened. It's just what I've come to expect.
Bye.
What to do...
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. So much so that I'm typing this on my phone at work. 30 minutes til I go in, not like I'll get in trouble so don't worry. More the point...
Despite the parts of this site I don't like at all, I've still been wanting to come back. God knows, almost everyday I want to charge onto so many pages and say "HEY!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH PLEASE FORGIVE ME! How've you been? Is your dog okay now? Did you get any commissions? How's that fanfic going? Your art has improved so much, you're phenomenal...I am so proud of you."
But, for one reason or another, I just...don't. For one thing, I just haven't had the energ
OC Feature
From now on, this is probably all you'll see from me, nothing art related. I've pretty much given up. Tired of trying hard and failing even harder. Tired of being nobody.
Taken from Tocsin-Vesper
-> For each of the first 20 people to comment "I U!" to this journal, I will feature one of their characters. I'll also tell you what I like about them.
-> If you comment, please do the same in your journal, putting the tagger on in the first slot. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone!
Happy Mother's Day, and on a side note...
Yes, it's me again. It seems like a lifetime's passed since I've been here. In a way, it has, and in a way, it hasn't. Part of me is still the same, but the rest has withered away to create something that even I can't explain. I still love Dinosaur King, odd and unpopular as some may find that. I still love the old SpongeBob, still despise the new episodes. My love for orange Fanta has never ceased, and I still have a million OCs swimming in my head.
But, as I said before, a lot has changed. Including my very ability to log onto this site, whereas I was so diligent and determined to do so before. Sure, I've been tied up in Tumblr and various
Seems I'm back.
Once again, I have to repeat the message I have so many times: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so inactive. I'm sorry for not being there when someone may have needed me. My heart just hasn't been into what it used to, but that's no excuse. I love you guys so much, and I miss you all like the dickens. So I won't hide anymore. If I have something I think that I would needlessly bug or bother anyone about because life is too stressful, I will find a way to fix it without feeling like I have to shut myself off completely. Besides, I'm starting to get better. Life is too short. Life is too damn short to be worrying about this and that, to be const
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